The Wonder Years, Part 5: Making Egyptian Friends

Friends make the world go round. Sure it's your family that has to love you through thick and thin, but it's your friends that CHOOSE to love you.

Plus they make life a whole lot more fun.

Egyptians are friendly. There is no doubt about that. I would say that most newcomers could agree with that, considering how many "Welcome to Egypt" greetings you might get your first several years here.

I always say that the sign that you've been here long enough to fit in is when you don't have people coming up to you and saying that to you here in the street.

Making local friends is an important step to settling down in Egypt.

I already told you about how hard it was for me to begin to learn to speak the language here and how I suffered from the side-effects of culture shock early on during my first years in Egypt. So I guess it's no surprise to you that I didn't make any Egyptian friends until after I'd been here for several months.

I think that if I'd made Egyptian friends earlier that I would have had an easier time those first few months.

But once I did find some locals to become friends with, this was all I needed to open the door to me feeling at home in Egypt. Of course it helped that I had learned a little Arabic and understood a little more of the Egyptian culture by this time.

I wouldn't say it's hard to make friends in Egypt. It's just that it's not something you can really measure at first. So when you think you've made a friend, maybe in a week's time they won't call you back. Or maybe someone you hadn't counted on becoming friends with sticks to you like glue.

In the beginning I found it easier to befriend the people I spent the most time with. Since most of my time was spent studying Arabic, I became friends with my Arabic language helper (a girl my age who helped me practice Arabic and learn about Egyptian culture 3 times a week). Also I enjoyed being with my Arabic grammar tutor who I met with twice a week - an older lady but still friendly.

I did also get the chance to spend two weeks with a young married Egyptian couple as a sort of cultural immersion experience. So after struggling through speaking all Arabic to the wife for two weeks and getting to know all her family and friends (especially from the church), I because such good friends with her I decided to marry her older brother.

Okay, so it wasn't JUST because I liked her so much. (He was pretty great himself...)

So my Egyptian friends were mostly the people around me, people I saw on a fairly regular basis. I didn't usually consider people I met while I was out and about as friends.

In fact, it's pretty difficult to become friends with just someone off the street. I'm not saying it can't happen in Egypt, just that it can be hard to really make that kind of a connection out on the streets of Cairo. Seriously, do you meet your friends back home while you're out at the mall? Most people become friends with people they know - not complete strangers. I'm not saying it can't be done, just that it's difficult.

But I can honestly say that I had some great friends in Egypt after I'd been here for a while. They have been such a help in making Egypt feel more like home to me.

And now that I live in Egypt full-time, well, since so many expats come and go every few years, it is nice to know that there are some Egyptians that will stand with me through the years, regardless of circumstance.

And despite the fact that I'm still American and stick my foot in my mouth occasionally...

There are some definite advantages to having Egyptians as friends:

They open the door to the Egyptian culture. Sure after living for so long in Egypt, I could sit here and try to give you a rundown of all the things you need to know about living in Egypt... or you could watch them being lived out by an Egyptian. Which is more interesting? Which is more accurate? (Trust me, after almost 8 years in Egypt, I still make mistakes)

They can teach you Arabic. The only skill they need is to be a native speaker. An Egyptian can tell you if you're pronouncing something incorrectly... and they can tell you how to say it right. You can (and will) learn all kinds of new vocabulary from them.

Egypt is their world. They know all the best stores to buy things. They know all the best places to eat and drink. You'll experience things you'd never dream of doing simply because you're with an Egyptian. It doesn't get any better than that.

Let me just say that I was more than thankful for the friends I had back then... they certainly made Egypt a home away from home for me.

Just keep in mind these important things when trying to make friends in Egypt:

Be sincere. People anywhere in the world respond to sincerity. Cross-cultural communication doesn't really allow for that "fake it till you make it" stuff. If you don't mean it, don't say it. (This is not to be confused with some of the cultural traditions you might pick up in Egypt.)

It takes time. Be patient. Friendships don't happen overnight. I've found that a real friendship develops with shared experiences which, of course, requires time. Try not to get discouraged (like I did in the beginning) if you can't write home about all the new friends you're making in the first weeks (or months) you live in Egypt.

Another thing about time is simply that Egyptians spend more time with their friends than we're used to back home in the States. So if I hung out with my best friend once every couple of weeks, here they might see their friend minimum of once a week and they talk to them even more often. My husband talks to most of his closest friends on a daily basis, and if he doesn't call them - they call him.

Be a friend first. An Egyptian you meet may not understand that you want to be friends with him or her (stick to same genders please, ladies to ladies and guys to guys, just to be on the safe side). You might have to make a little more effort from your side from the beginning.

Learn the Egyptian culture. The first mistake a lot of expats make when they try to become friends with locals is they put their foot right in their mouth by saying the wrong thing. They say something (usually a direct translation from their native language to the Arabic) and it just doesn't mean the same thing here. Depending on how much exposure your newfound *friend* has had to Western culture, they might not be so forgiving if you say or do something wrong (or offensive). I'm not saying don't make mistakes, because - let's face it - nobody can just move to Egypt, learn the language and assimilate into the culture without making any mistakes. I'm saying just be aware. Try to learn all you can.

Don't force it. Just because an Egyptian is friendly doesn't mean that they necessarily want to be your friend. If they give you their number and then don't answer your calls, then they don't want to be your friend. Or if they do and yet they never call you back on their own, well they probably don't want to be your friend then either. Trust me, if they never EVER call you - they don't really want to be your friend.

Location matters. It's hard to be friends with someone who lives all the way across town. But if you find someone who lives close to you, you might find it easier to keep that connection with them in the long run.

Don't get discouraged. Lots of people who move to a new country don't know anyone when they first get there. You're in the same boat that every other expat has been in. If you can't find local friends, stick with your expat ones for now. But keep trying to get out there and meet people. You might be surprised at the friends you'll make in the end.

Also, don't get discouraged if your friend doesn't open up his or her entire life to you right away. Maybe if you're female the family might want to meet you to make sure you're a *good girl* for their daughter to spend time with. But often you might just meet with your friend one-on-one. Eventually they might introduce you to other friends, but again just be patient and try not to force the issue. You don't want to make them uncomfortable.

Try not to complain. Egyptian friends are not the people you should complain about Egypt to. I don't care if you hate the traffic, hate the crowds, hate the dust, the pollution, the heat... try to find something positive about Egypt when you talk with your Egyptian friends. And ESPECIALLY do NOT complain about the Egyptian people to Egyptians... be careful not to make any kind of negative generalizations about Egyptians in their presence. Trust me, they won't say it, but they'll be wondering if you think that of them in the back of their minds.

They're just people too. Maybe this is just an American thing, but I've had to catch myself from thinking about how much better things are in the United States than they are here. Sure, there's room for improvement in Egypt in many ways but we can still come here as expats and learn from the people here. So if you have in your mind that you're somehow *better* than Egyptians (even in the very very back of your mind), this might be an unconscious barrier to making any real friends here.

All in all, the point is that if you're living in Egypt as an expat you're missing out on the most important part of the Egyptian experience if you don't make local friends here.

Because the best part about Egypt is the Egyptians.

Don't forget to check out the rest of this series:
The Wonder Years, Part 1: Arriving in Cairo
The Wonder Years, Part 2: Learning to Speak Arabic
The Wonder Years, Part 3: Seeing the Sights of Cairo
The Wonder Years, Part 4: Dealing with Culture Shock

The Wonder Years is a series about Erin's first 2 years in Cairo before she met and married her Egyptian husband. Stay tuned for more of her adventures in Egypt the first time around.

The Wonder Years, Part 4: Dealing with Culture Shock

As much as I love Egypt, I must admit that it may not leave the best of first impressions. Traffic is insane with cars weaving in and out beeping their horns incessantly like they're in some PlayStation game gone wrong.

The air is thick with pollution and dust. In fact, everything seems to be a permanent dull beige in color.

It's hot. And the sun just doesn't ever seem to stop shining. By midday, you're praying for just a small tree somewhere to lend you some shade. Or at least for that building's shadow to move just a little bit to give you a break.

It can all be a little too much to bear.

All in all, if some pharaoh hadn't thought so much of himself to build himself a huge monument of stone that's lasted for centuries... Well, perhaps we wouldn't be so enamored with the thought of making the long trek here.

That's the Pyramids, by the way, in case you were wondering.

But in all seriousness, it's important to highlight the difficulties alongside the good things. I mean, we ARE trying to paint a real, authentic picture of Egypt here on Egypt Ramblings, now aren't we?

So what is culture shock anyways? I like Wikipedia's take on culture shock, in case you've never experienced it for yourself. The only thing I would add is that culture shock comes in cycles. It's not all cut-and-dried, the first few weeks in the Honeymoon phase, the next few months in the Negotiation phase, etc.

The fact of the matter is that while the phases might come in this order the first time around, well - if you're in Egypt long enough - you're bound to go through them again.

And again.

And again.

Unfortunately I didn't last very long in my initial Honeymoon phase the first time around. It might have even lasted days. It may have been the fact that I arrived on Friday and started language school across town bright and early on Monday morning.

Getting to language school was no easy task. First, it didn't help that I had to wake up earlier than I'd gotten up in years (as in Northern Kentucky University, freshman year, 2nd semester - when I foolishly signed up for a 5-day-a-week 8:00 AM Calc 2 class). Secondly, the 10-minute taxi ride to the Metro station took 20-30 minutes at that time in the morning (yeah, I know, since when do people actually STOP for the traffic lights in Cairo?) Then it was just a small matter of braving the morning rush to work by squeezing onto the ladies car on the Metro.

Forty-five minutes later we'd peel ourselves from the glass to step out onto the platform and breathe fresh air (that did not include the stink of some polyester-clad lady's sweaty armpits).

Only to find that we were 15 minutes late for the opening remarks by the language school principal... who promptly scolded us in front of the entire school for being late.

I think the girls had to hold me back from scratching his eyes out.

Yep, I definitely hit culture shock pretty fast.

My way of dealing with culture shock back in the old days was mostly withdrawal. I was perfectly happy hanging out at home. My roomie and I became experts at McDonald's delivery and late-night movie marathons. She also happened to be a Law & Order junkie so I got my fill of *dun-dun* pretty quick.

Sure, I'd get out and walk around the neighborhood. I'd buy fresh bread from the bakery around the corner. I'd go hang out with some of the girls from time to time. I enjoyed hearing their stories about all their exciting escapades through out the city and marvel at how brave they were.

But I was not about to go out and experience it for myself.

I was what you might call a "late bloomer" in Egypt.

It took me a while to get used to being here. I was too afraid of making mistakes to try very hard. Life for me in Cairo was more about just treading water than actually going out for a swim. I was just trying to make it from day to day.

It didn't help that I felt like a fish out of water here. Too many things had changed for me in too little time. I was paralyzed from the shock of it all.

Here are a few things that had changed for me:

My clothes. I'd been a t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes girl all my life. And here I was in Egypt wearing dresses and skirts. Whose idea was this anyways? It was downright uncomfortable. I didn't know how to cross my legs properly. I didn't have the right shoes. And somehow I lived in constant fear that some crazy Egyptian guy was gonna come up behind me and flip my skirt up.

The attention in the street. Let's just say that in America, I was invisible. I was never the kind of girl that turned heads. And I was okay with that. But suddenly everywhere I went in Cairo, men were looking at me. And when I mean looking, I mean LOOKING. It unnerved me. And they said things to me. I didn't understand the words but I didn't need a translator to know that I didn't want to know what they were saying.

Living in a big city. I had never lived in a city even remotely close to the size of Cairo. So dealing with the Cairo crowds and having to take public transportation everywhere was overwhelming. I couldn't believe how many ladies could fit into a single Metro car, especially when schools started... and then Ramadan came.

Being unable to communicate. I was a Speech Communication major for cryin' out loud. Words were my life! And suddenly 2-year-olds could communicate better than I could. I felt like an idiot.

Not having any friends. I struggled to connect with people. I had a great roommate and had class with some great girls at language school. But that was more like "friends by force" than true friendship. They were basically stuck with me. The good news is that I became great friends with them later, but it was rough starting out.

Sometimes I think about the Erin back then and I want to go back and shake her. I wish I could tell her to JUST. DO. SOMETHING! Stop being so afraid. Stop waiting for the world to stop and take notice of you. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop trying so hard to keep from failing that you fail from doing NOTHING!

I still struggle with culture shock in Egypt at times. I do love this country, I really do. But there are times, days, weeks, even where I have just had it up to here. I don't want another guy looking at me that way. I'm tired of trying to think in Arabic. I get lonely. I miss home. And if I have to explain one more taxi driver this week why I don't want to put my son's stroller on top of their car...

Hey, I'm only human.

But I've gotten better at reading the signs of culture shock for me. It still creeps up on me occasionally, but I recognize the feeling a lot quicker than I used to. I know when it's probably better that I sit at home and watch reruns of Glee or NCIS than go out. That maybe today my son and I should just take a stroll down the street to our favorite local coffee shop rather than braving the traffic to go somewhere more exciting. That when he's taking a nap maybe I should too.

And if I have a cold... well, just forget about getting out of the house. Because I am not a very nice person in any language when I can't breathe right.

I think we all have days like that.

What is my advice to anyone experiencing culture shock? Answer these questions.

1. Have you lived in a big city before? Not everything we small-town folk have to deal with is culture shock... sometimes it's just big city shock. The crowds, the traffic, the buildings everywhere, the noise. Maybe your problem is that you just need some quieter, less-polluted air to breathe (so skip down to #8).
2. Do you have a support system where you are? Not everyone comes to Egypt with all the details worked out. Maybe you're having trouble because you don't know how to do basic everyday things... and you have no one to ask for advice. If so, find a community. This might be a gym, a church, a expat group, you name it, whatever works to get you the help you need. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I'm not saying everyone has the resources to help, but we've all been there so maybe they can point you in the right direction.
3. Do you have friends, as in people you'd actually CHOOSE to hang out with? This is hard because as expats we're often surrounded by people and feel all alone in the meantime. If you're anything like me, you don't like to put yourself out there. But I think we probably all feel that way. Give it time. Find small things in common with people and build on that. Friendships don't happen overnight (and if they do, you are extremely blessed.)
4. Do you have a regular schedule? I'm not saying pack your schedule full of meaningless errands. But seriously, having something to get up for every morning will take your mind off of what you're struggling with and back onto what you have to get done for the day. Just be careful not to overdo it (and don't let anyone else make you overdo it too).
5. Do you have frequent contact with family back home? Trust me, it is cheap and easy to keep in touch with people back home. Try using Skype which lets you call computer-to-computer for free (or you can use Skype Out which lets you call computer-to-phone for set fees). Just do yourself a favor and limit yourself to once a week. Too much contact can make it more difficult to be here. 
6. Are you doing okay with language learning? I know this isn't a simple question but it's an important one. If you've been here 3 months and aren't making any headway with the language maybe you need to change your tactics. If you're in a school, switch to using a one-on-one tutor. If you're using a tutor, enroll in a school. This might shake things up a bit to let you get back into the groove of language learning.
7. Are you trying to do too much? Maybe you just have too much on your plate. I've seen a lot of volunteers get worn out here in Cairo because there's so much that needs to get done and there's no one else to do it. You're only one person. You'll last longer here if you focus your energy on just a couple of things rather than stretching yourself too thin across more responsibilities.
8. Have you been out of Cairo? Get out of the city for a few days. This might mean going to the Red Sea or the North Coast, or even just taking the train to Alex for the day. 
9. Have you taken some time out for you? One time me and the girls went to a spa somewhere in Zamalek and it was a nice change. Other friends of mine went for day-use at a 5-star hotel near the Pyramids where they swam and just enjoyed the sun for the day.

Don't forget to check out the rest of this series:

The Wonder Years, Part 1: Arriving in Cairo

The Wonder Years, Part 2: Learning to Speak Arabic

The Wonder Years, Part 3: See the Sights of Cairo
The Wonder Years, Part 5: Making Egyptian Friends

The Wonder Years is a series about Erin's first 2 years in Cairo before she met and married her Egyptian husband. Stay tuned for more about her adventures in Egypt the first time around.

The Wonder Years, Part 3: Seeing the Sights of Cairo

My first few weeks in Cairo went by very fast. I was meeting people, starting Arabic language school, and struggling to find my way around my neighborhood.

What did I care whether I'd seen the Pyramids or the Nile River yet?

Fast forward to 3 weeks later when I saw the Nile River for the first time. It was like I couldn't catch my breath for a minute.

I was awestruck.

And then it hit me. I was in Egypt. I was 4,000 miles away from everyone I loved.

And I was alone.

It's important to allow yourself to be a tourist in Egypt. Whether you'll be here for 6 months or 6 years, you need to take time to see the sights of Cairo. Don't get so busy and miss out on the honeymoon period of being in Egypt.

Trust me, culture shock will kick in before you know it.

Here's a list of all the must-sees in Cairo:

The Pyramids & the Sphynx. These sit right on the edge of Cairo. You'll need to arrange transportation to get there (or at least if you plan on getting back from them in one piece). Plus you'll need a ride to get out to where you can take the perfect panorama shot of the Pyramids.

Take time to check out the Boat Museum. Trust me you'll appreciate the break from the hot sun. And you'll have fun sliding around in the shoe bags they make you wear.

My first time to the Pyramids was about one month after I arrived in Cairo. It wasn't nearly as impressive as I'd expected it to be, maybe because for that entire month I'd been building it up in my mind. The most surprising thing about the Pyramids for me was how they backed right up to the city. I DID get to ride my first camel on that day too, and I would definitely recommend this. Although don't let the guy swindle you out of extra money by refusing to take you back until you pay up.

The Egyptian Museum. This is right smack dab in the center of downtown a stone's throw from the Nile. You can't miss this. It houses the King Tut exhibit. Honestly it feels a bit like more like walking through a warehouse than a museum, so you might need a tour guide to talk you through the exhibits. Otherwise you might get lost in there.

I honestly can't remember my first time to the Egyptian Museum. It's just a short walk from the Mubarak Metro station so perhaps I went sooner than I remember. I want to go one time with a tour guide because there is so much stuff inside that isn't labeled well. The best part is definitely the King Tut exhibit - the one section that is both air-conditioned and properly marked.

The Citadel. The most striking part of the Citadel is the Mohamed Ali mosque with its shiny domes overlooking the city. But don't forget to visit the Mameluk mosque as well (green domes off to the side) that is very unique with its pillars taken from centuries of buildings (including ones from ancient Egypt, Christian, and Jewish origin).

Oh, the Citadel! I remember what I was wearing the first time I went to the Citadel - a great big long black sweater! It was chilly because it was January. I think the Citadel gives you a great view especially of the old part of the city. I was fascinated by the inside of the Mohamed Ali mosque. And we had fun counting all the different pillars we could find in the Mameluke mosque. 

Coptic Cairo. Hop off the Cairo metro into one of the oldest parts of Cairo. Here is the Hanging Church built over Roman water towers. And if you're brave enough to stoop down into the older parts of Coptic Cairo, you may even find an ancient Jewish synagogue.

Coptic Cairo is just off the Metro as well. They call it "Old Egypt" in Arabic. I loved how you have to climb down on certain streets to get to where you want to go. It made me realize how this city has been built up (quite literally) over centuries of city before. And the ceiling in the Hanging Church looks just like the inside of a boat - it was really amazing to see!

The Cave Church. You'll need to arrange for transportation to reach this. Both fascinating and awesome is this church built right into the mountain. The story goes that God split the mountain for this church, but let someone there tell the story for you because I can't remember all the details.

Don't forget to visit the Recycling Center in the Garbage City while you're there to get some unique gifts to take back home made from recycled fabric and paper.

A church built into the side of a mountain?! The sheer magnitude of the place took my breath away! I didn't realize until a later visit that there are other halls and meeting rooms around to the right of the main seating area - so make sure you go around to see these. They are even more amazing than the big one because they're built into actual caves in the mountain. There are some amazing rock sculptures out around the parking lot as well that make this well worth the trip.

The Khan El-Khalili. This famous old tourist bazaar is built right into the fabric of Cairo. You'll need your best bargaining skills on hand to get some really good deals. Just remember that the key to bargaining is being able to walk away at any time.

Take a break from the heat to have lunch at the Naguib Mahfouz cafe. You can also visit both the Hussein and the Al-Azhar mosques (although ladies you will need to bring a scarf to cover your head and bare arms) while you're there.

I usually go to the Khan El-Khalili about once a year. Now I have a number of shops that I frequent and the owners give me a good deal not just because I come regularly but I also bring others to their shops. You can't really get all this stuff in one place for the prices you'll find down in there anywhere else in Cairo.

Al-Azhar Park. The best time to visit this park is just before the sun goes down. You'll get a chance to walk around one of the few large green spaces in Egypt and to watch a glorious Cairo sunset over the old part of the city and the Citadel.

Al-Azhar Park did not exist when I first came to Cairo. For many years that area was just a big trash heap that overlooked the Khan El-Khalili area. Now they've turned it into one of the largest green spaces in Cairo. We love to go to the Citadel View restaurant for dinner. It's the perfect place to bring guests who are in Egypt for the first time.

The Nile River. Take a walk along the Corniche. Ride on a sailboat (felucca.) Walk over the bridge to the other side. Any way you can experience the Nile is well worth the time spent.

You can't really be in Egypt without seeing the Nile. It almost seems silly to even list it here as one of the *sights* of Cairo. But since I waited 3 weeks to see this, I figured it's better to encourage you to see it as soon as you can!

The Revolving Restaurant. For an extra special occasion, the best view of the city (and perhaps the most expensive) is this restaurant at the top of the Grand Hyatt Cairo. It takes 2 hours to make a complete revolution, which makes for a very nice evening. Be aware that formal attire is required and no children under 12 are allowed in the restaurant.

My first time to the Revolving Restaurant was when my husband proposed to me the day before I left Egypt to go home. I can't say that I remember much about that night, but I do remember a later visit on our anniversary recently. The Grand Hyatt sits right on the Nile in the center of town so as you turn, you see all of Cairo around you. It has definitely made for some very special evenings for us.

City Stars. Perhaps the largest mall in the Middle East, this is definitely a sight to see. If you spend a longer time in Cairo, you'll find this to be a nice break from the streets of Cairo.

City Stars is new in Cairo as well. I don't think it's more than 5 or 6 years old. I love to take first timers to Cairo to City Stars. It seems so different to have such a modern place in a city like Cairo! But now it is a home away from home for me (especially since it's about 10 minutes from our house).

What is my advice for seeing the sights of Cairo?

1. Plan according to the time you have available. If you're in Cairo for a while, you can spread these out over time. I still say you should visit at least the Pyramids and see the Nile River within your first month in Cairo (or as soon as you can manage it).
2. Don't overdo it in one day. I don't think one could see all the sights of Cairo in less than 3 days. Give yourself some time to enjoy each place and try not to plan more than 2 sites in one day.
3. Plan trips according to location. For example, I like to do the Pyramids in the morning, lunch downtown and then the Egyptian Museum in the afternoon. You don't know how much time you'll waste sitting in traffic at the oddest of times.
4. If you can, take a tour guide with you. Get a recommendation for one from another expat friend. There are many tour guides who don't work through a company, although they can still get you good deals and arrange for transportation.
5. If you're a student, ask about student tickets. This can save you a bunch of money.

Don't forget to check out the rest of this series:

The Wonder Years, Part 1: Arriving in Cairo

The Wonder Years, Part 2: Learning to Speak Arabic
The Wonder Years, Part 4: Dealing with Culture Shock
The Wonder Years, Part 5: Making Egyptian Friends

The Wonder Years is a series about Erin's first 2 years in Cairo before she met and married her Egyptian husband. Stay tuned for more about her adventures in Egypt the first time around.

The Wonder Years, Part 2: Learning to Speak Arabic

I often get asked by Egyptians about how hard it was to learn to speak Arabic. I'm not always very sure why people ask me this. Are they trying to be funny? Do they REALLY want to know? Are they completely oblivious to how terribly difficult it is to learn Arabic?

I think perhaps they're just curious to see my reaction. So you can understand why I almost always pause before answering. And how I answer usually depends on what mood I'm in.

If I'm feeling like everything is right with the world, then I'll just sigh and smile and say "el hamdellah" (Praise God in Arabic.)

If it's just been one of those days when I'd like to crawl up under a rock and hide, my response is more of a snort and a "hard, very hard" (in Arabic, of course.)

I'd say that learning to speak Arabic was perhaps one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life. I know what you're thinking... them's big words girlie. Don't worry, I'll stand by that statement.

I arrived in Cairo in 2002 without knowing a single word in Arabic. And, yes, I really did plan it that way. I figured that it would be better to learn the right language the right way on the ground in Egypt.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I did buy a book called Beginner's Arabic Script while I was still back in the States. It was supposed to help me teach myself how to read and write Arabic. Yeah, a whole HECK of a lotta good that was gonna do for me in Egypt!

I didn't realize that it was all about the talkin'. Talkin', talkin', and then some more!

So what made learning Arabic so difficult for me? I'm not saying that learning Arabic is impossible. I am saying that it's different and probably more difficult to learn than say learning something like Spanish or French which is more similar to English.

1. It's not just one language. Arabic is one of those unique languages where the spoken language is completely different from the written language. There's even a different name for each one. And most of the time, the spoken language doesn't even really have a written form.

So you have to make a choice. Do you learn ameya (colloquial) or foos-ha (formal) or MSA (Modern Standard Arabic)?

2. The letters are different. English, French, Spanish, German, and all of the other Romantic languages all use mostly the same letters. But Arabic script was unlike anything I'd ever seen. And each letter looks different whether it's at the beginning, middle, or end of a word. Talk about confusing!

3. You read and write from right to left in Arabic. They read and write *backwards* (for me, at least) in Egypt. Books are read with the binding on the right (not on the left like in English). This took a little getting used to.

4. Figuring out how to make language learning work with my personality. A lot of my friends who were here studying Arabic all seemed to be natural language learners. They were fearless and friendly to everyone they met. They'd talk about this girl they'd met on the Metro and that lady they's spent hours talking to.

I was not like that at all. I think that if I hadn't been absolutely convinced that I was supposed to be in Egypt that I would have been on that plane home so fast, well, the dust wouldn't have had time to settle.

I'm not very outgoing. I've always been a bit introverted. In an unfamiliar situation, I usually tend to clamp my mouth shut and huddle over by the wall rather than to burst loudly onto the scene. I was afraid of failure. My solution for this was to do nothing, because if you don't try then you don't fail.

So after a few months in Egypt, I still was afraid to open my mouth to speak. I was afraid to make mistakes. It was all up in my head but I couldn't seem to get it out of my mouth fast enough to form sentences or even to communicate the simplest of ideas.

In short I felt like a big, fat failure.

I'd look at myself compared to my friends and think that I'd never get this language thing down. I cried from the frustration of it all.

But after a while I began to realize that I couldn't compare myself to other people. My personality was completely different than theirs. I had to make this work for me in my own way. What worked for them wasn't going to necessarily work for me.

If I didn't feel comfortable talking to random strangers on the metro to practice my Arabic, this was okay. I needed someone like the girl down at the stationary shop down the road who I saw on a regular basis to practice my Arabic with. I would go in once a week or so and spend 30 minutes sitting down and chatting with her in Arabic. I asked my language helper to help me do specific things, like to help me know how to pick up my mail from the post office.

It took me a while to find my rhythm. But eventually it came almost naturally to speak because now I was speaking with friends, familiar faces who weren't going to laugh at me if I made a mistake. Maybe I didn't have the biggest circle of friends who spoke Arabic, but the few I had were special and long-lasting friendships.

Here is what I know about learning a foreign language:

You're gonna make mistakes. You'll probably say it wrong at least 100 times before you say it right. Don't freak out. Everybody does this. You are just like everybody else. Nobody can be perfect from Day 1.

You'll probably mix some words up. You might say "cat" for "room" and "room" for "cat" (oh, sorry, maybe that was me.) It's confusing because sometimes words sound the same even though they're actually completely different.

You might mispronounce letters. Arabic has some sounds in there that do not exist in the English language. Some of them seem almost unnatural, like the "gh" sound that comes from the back of your throat. And others may come out forced. For example, there are 2 "h" sounds in Arabic. One has air behind it and the other one doesn't. I still sometimes put too much *umph* behind the one with the air behind it. It gets a few strange looks from time to time, but it works for me.

You may embarrass yourself just a little. This was what I was most terrified of (note the bit above about being afraid of failure.) Somehow when you get a word wrong it seems like it always manages to mean something bad. And while no one ever told me that I made this kind of mistake, I did get a few laughs which was almost as bad.

You'll learn to laugh at yourself. Or at least I hope you do. Because if you don't already have a good sense of humor, learning a foreign language will teach you that pretty quick. I've never laughed so hard as I did when I realized that I substituted the word "lettuce" (khas) for "shame" (ikhs) without realizing what I was saying. To this day my husband and I say khas aleek (lettuce on you) instead of ikhs aleek (shame on you - but in a teasing way).

All of the above are very normal. Anybody who learns a foreign language - especially in the country that speaks it - is going to go through this.

That certainly makes me feel better, don't you agree?

What is my advice for anyone wanting to learn to speak Arabic?

1. Study Arabic in an Arabic-speaking country. 
2. Learn the colloquial dialect. You might want to learn to read and write as well but consider this a second language.
3. Speak with native Arabic speakers as much as you can. You cannot learn correct pronunciation without hearing how native speakers pronounce it.
4. Don't just study in a classroom. If you can find a language helper, use one. Get out and talk to everyday people out on the streets. Schedule in Arabic speaking time (i.e. 15 minutes buying fruit in Arabic, 30 minutes talking to a guy or girl working in a local shop, etc.)
5. Learn about culture while you learn Arabic. So much of the vocabulary in Arabic revolves around the culture. For example, you can just learn the correct vocabulary words for family (father, mother, brother, sister, etc.) or you can learn this same vocabulary while learning about the roles of each one in the family and the responsibilities of each one.
6. Buy an English-Arabic dictionary. I highly recommend the Elias Pocket Dictionary with Arabic-to-English and English-to-Arabic in one book. Sometimes it's nice to just be able to look up the exact word you mean and show it to the Arabic speaker (as long as they read).
7. Participate in a cultural immersion experience. In other words, go spend two weeks living with an Arabic-speaking family (preferably who don't speak much English). This will radically improve your Arabic.
8. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Some people have a natural knack for learning languages. And some (like me) are slow starters who may eventually surpass others who pick up some phrases and vocabulary very early on. You just have to discover what works for you and do it.
9. Learn to laugh at yourself. Enjoy the language learning experience and don't be so afraid of making mistakes. 
10. Practice, practice, practice. You can't learn to speak Arabic if all you do is study it and never actually speak it. Use the little you have to get a little more. That's the real secret to learning Arabic successfully.

Don't forget to check out the rest of this series:
The Wonder Years, Part 1: Arriving in Cairo
The Wonder Years, Part 3: Seeing the Sights of Cairo
The Wonder Years, Part 4: Dealing with Culture Shock
The Wonder Years, Part 5: Making Egyptian Friends

The Wonder Years is a series about Erin's first 2 years in Cairo before she met and married her Egyptian husband. Stay tuned for more about her adventures in Egypt the first time around.

The Wonder Years, Part 1: Arriving in Cairo

Arriving at the Cairo Int'l Airport at night

Cairo hits most people like a brick wall when they first arrive. Maybe it's just the dry heat that sweeps over you the moment you exit the airport terminal. Or maybe it's just the way this city attacks every one of your senses almost immediately.

Sometimes I wish I could bottle it up and take a jar home with me so that people could get a small taste of what every day is like for us here.

There is a lot to take in for a newcomer to Cairo. I should know, I had a very interesting first 6 months in Cairo where I bumbled my way around the city and mumbled my way through the language.

Here are a few things that you have to deal with once you arrive in Cairo...

Arriving at the Cairo airport. Nowadays most international flights arrive into the brand-new Terminal 3. You walk right off the plane into the terminal (rather than taking a bus from the plane to the terminal). There are bathrooms before passport control. And once you buy your tourist visa and get in line, they're pretty good at keeping the lines moving.

It wasn't quite so nice and inviting just 8 years ago when I arrived for the first time into Cairo. Although the *new* Terminal 2 in 2002 did allow passengers to walk right off the plane into the terminal, it was a hike to get to passport control. I followed my instructions and bought my tourist visa only to get stuck near the back of the line, where the wait felt like hours. 

I had four large bags, 2 of which were hard-sided cases I'd bought in the automotive dept at Walmart. It took a long time for all four of them to come out. And then there was the issue of getting them home.

Walking around the neighborhood. The best thing to do when you first arrive in Cairo is just to take a walk around the neighborhood. Find out where the closest little supermarket is. Look for the nearest fruit and vegetable stands. Check out the nearby pharmacy and stationary shops.

I was pretty lucky in that we had a little shopping area just around the corner from our flat. Well, by shopping area, I really mean an open air bread bakery, several fruit and veggie stands, a small pharmacy and a couple of little supermarkets. Granted these were all right behind a big mosque where there always seemed to be men coming and going (which I avoided at all costs).

But all in all, our neighborhood wasn't too bad. Most of what we needed was within walking distance from our flat. I can only imagine what would have happened if nothing was close by, and I'd had to take a taxi to go get what I needed.

Getting used to your flat. It takes some time to adjust to living in a city and to learn the nuances of renting a flat in Egypt. Things that we take for granted in other parts of the world just don't work the same or may not even exist here. 

Air-conditioning, for example, is a privilege and not a right in Egypt. So you won't find a flat with central air (or heating) in Egypt. Mostly what you'll find are window units in the bedrooms and *maybe* in the living room. I have yet to see an air conditioner in a kitchen in Egypt. You learn really quickly to invest in a couple of fans (if your landlord doesn't provide any).

Climbing stairs is also just a fact of life in Egypt. When I first moved to Cairo, we lived on the 4th floor walk up with no elevator in our building. This means we walked up four flights of stairs to get to our flat. And just because you have an elevator doesn't mean that it's always working.

Good water pressure is a luxury in Cairo. The farther your flat is from the ground, well, the worse your water pressure is. We were on the 4th floor of a 6-story building so our water pressure was terrible. It took me double the time to take a shower because the water just barely trickled out of the shower head.

*Furnished* flats in Cairo can often leave much to be desired. I sometimes think the landlords clean out their own houses and give you all the mismatched, run-down things they can find. Couches can be downright uncomfortable. Mattresses can sag way down in the middle or be as hard as rocks. Pots and pans may have seen better years. It's pretty simple to just buy a few smaller things to make your flat more homey feeling. For people who plan to live in Cairo long-term, bigger investments may need to be made to make your flat feel more like a home.

Learning how to use transportation. The good thing is that public transportation is available everywhere in Cairo. There are taxis, microbuses (vans), minibuses (little buses), autobeses (big buses), neighborhood trams (if you live in Heliopolis), and the Cairo metro.

There is one little problem that if you don't speak much Arabic, well, they don't speak much English. And definitely you should stick to taxis (who go from Point A to Point B directly) and the metro, rather than braving the complicated systems of the buses. I've heard that the trams can be a lot of fun, as long as you're not in a hurry to get anywhere fast.

So not only do you have to learn how to catch a taxi, but you also have to know how to say the name of the place you want to go correctly (or else you might end up at the wrong destination). One time the taxi took me to the Meridian hotel instead of Merryland Park because he misunderstood what I said (although I still stand by the fact that I said it correctly and he just only heard what he wanted to hear). Because you'll pay for the extra time that he takes driving you to the wrong destination.

Oh and you also have to know how much you need to pay. Once upon a time there were only these black-and-white taxis in Cairo that often required you to haggle with the driver beforehand (especially for longer distances) over the price. Nowadays there are these sleek, new white taxis with meters (hallelujah!) where you just get in and pay according to the meter when you get out.

Learning a little Arabic. You have to learn a little, use it a lot, and then try to learn a little more using the little you already have. But you can't really live in Egypt without at least picking up a little Arabic.

I'll be talking about my journey in learning to speak Arabic in Part 2 of this series. But for now, let me just say that it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

What is my advice for anyone coming to Cairo or just arrived?

1. Study Egyptian Arabic, even just a little will help you get by.
2. Go sightseeing in Cairo as soon as possible (i.e. the Pyramids, the Sphynx, the Egyptian Museum, the Nile). Allow yourself to be a tourist as least for one day.
3. Find an expat community to be a part of. Trust me on this, you can't do this alone.
4. Make Egyptian friends (preferably of the same gender). Let them teach you about their country.
5. Get out of the house. Go walking around your neighborhood. Take the Metro downtown. Go to the mall. Join a gym.
6. Do something familiar. Eat McDonald's. Bake a cake. Go see a movie. Hang out with an expat friend (preferably of the same gender and nationality).
7. Stay in contact with people back home. Use Skype, email, Facebook, etc.
8. Write it down. Whatever you're experiencing now will be lessons learned later.
9. Get a mobile phone. You really can't live without one in Cairo.

The Wonder Years is a series about Erin's first 2 years in Cairo before she met and married her Egyptian husband. Stay tuned for more about her adventures in Egypt the first time around.

Don't forget to check out the rest of The Wonder Years series.
The Wonder Years, Part 2: Learning to Speak Arabic
The Wonder Years, Part 3: Seeing the Sights of Cairo
The Wonder Years, Part 4: Dealing with Culture Shock
The Wonder Years, Part 5: Making Egyptian Friends